Are you too busy?

What deserves a place on the family calendar, and what doesn’t? This hasn’t been a one-time question in our household. Every so often, I notice the calendar looking busy and the days feeling uncomfortably full, and I know it’s time to hone in again on our priorities and our limitations.

When that happens, I come back to a few questions.

• Are we protecting enough margin to actually enjoy one another?

• Are the things filling our calendar helping us become the kind of people we hope to be?

• Are we choosing activities out of conviction, or simply because opportunities keep presenting themselves?

• And perhaps most importantly, are we leaving enough room for rest, connection, curiosity, and delight?

For many years, our answers led us to a simple approach to sports: each child participated in one season at a time so we weren’t juggling multiple practices and games every week. Now that the kids are older, we have adjusted that approach, but the goal remains the same. Practice times have become opportunities to connect with whichever child isn't playing. We bring cards, books, or simply spend time talking together.

These questions have also helped us determine what does not belong on our calendar. Two years ago, my daughter participated in her school play. While she enjoyed the experience overall, it required a significant commitment. There were many times she felt worn out and disappointed to miss family gatherings and opportunities to spend time with neighborhood friends. This year, even though she had positive memories from the play, she chose not to audition. With other interests and commitments emerging, she recognized that saying no to something good would create space for things she valued more. We were proud of the maturity it took to make that decision.

These same questions guided us when we were deciding which days our children would attend their hybrid school program. There were advantages and disadvantages to every

option, and we went back and forth for quite a while. Ultimately, we chose the schedule that allowed the children to be home together more often, even though it meant entering new tracks and classrooms with entirely new groups of students. The value of shared family time outweighed the discomfort of the transition.

What a gift it is to have the privilege of intentionally cultivating our family's culture. Ultimately, that is what these questions help us refine. Who are we becoming, both as a family and as individuals? Because, as Annie Dillard wrote, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.” The choices we make about our calendar may seem small, but over time they shape the kind of life we build together.

Warmly,

Kristen Pope